Monday, January 30, 2017

Today was the rally to protest the ban. I totally went and loved supporting it- and obviously I missed you. I miss my politics friend. Honestly after having a relationship/friendship like ours I'm struggling to find anything that comes close to filling the hole it's left.  Maybe I'm being super out of my mind thinking it was so great. There were plenty of problems. There was a lack of trust. But I miss you so much and I'm glad you're willing to chat some with me and haven't entirely blocked me. I hope you continue to come around and we can reconnect.

Another guy likes me. He's super nice and sweet.  But there's definitely blaring issues there besides the feeling that you're maybe my soul mate or something. Sigh.

I miss Kyle. I super miss you. I miss feeling connected with someone I can trust and not feel threatened by. Oh wait I've never truly felt that.
Kyle's the closest. I'm lucky in that regard. I'm so lucky to always have him as my friend. He's been a little flirty or weird lately. I know he's got the break up blues.

I'm depressed.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Ughhh I miss you so much every single damn day and I wish I could see you and help on your house and do all sorts of other things with you too. I swear the only boyfriend I've felt this hung up on besides Kyle is you. I keep expecting the feelings to fade and they don't. Do you miss me or want to talk to me at all?  You havent spoken with me so I assume no, but it would be amazingly beautiful if you missed me too and also wanted me back.

Monday, January 23, 2017

My mom died yesterday a year ago and I'm tired but can't sleep and my tattoo feels weird. I got to hang out with Kyle, which always fills me with joy still. Today he was sad, things aren't going so hot for him either.  I love Kyle very much, so I hope things then around for him soon and he starts feeling stronger and more accomplished again. I'm really lucky to still have him in my life.

I also still miss stupid Ramzi quite a lot and I keep asking myself "why?" And my vague answer is "the connection we had was on point and also the sex was great" but maybe that was only me and maybe Kyle and I are the only two people capable of being truly close even though we dated and there's been all that lovey Dovey gunk on my end.

Friday, January 20, 2017

I know we aren't talking and you've blocked me but that is why I can message here safely I guess. It's crazy that trump is being sworn in today. I wish we were talking through it like we have the rest of the election. I miss you like crazy. I miss working and hearing about the house. This America is gonna be weird for at least four years.

Or 8. Because he's already thought of his four year slogan.

Seriously, Ram, I miss you like absolutely. Like woah.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Well my sex drive is finally starting to be back after what- 3 months?  But the only person I want to have sex with is still you. I imagine you're probably most definitely sleeping with someone else now (Lisa?  Andreea?  Another girl from another office?)

But I want to sleep with you. I shouldn't have said anything. You're probaby worth it. But I guess this is you not thinking I'm worth it. And here we go all over again. - we being me, in this case.

Please come back to me. Fuck me and talk to me and hang out and care about me again.

Well- maybe not. I should probably start being with someone else. How long before my heart stops being keen on you?  I've thought maybe there was something more to us for over a year now. Try hard as I may, I can't seem to forget you.

I wish my disorder hadn't reared its ugly head. I know it's scary. But it isn't who I am!  I'm working so hard on it. But I want to see you and know you again.

Monday, January 2, 2017

I know being sick in bed for forever isn't helping any because there is only so much distracting I can do.

But man, do I miss you. In all the ways.

I wonder if you are kissing someone else already. I kind of imagine so- but I secretly imagine you might feel the same. In my experience, I doubt it. I mean- I feel like our connection was really strong, but I've not met a guy who is as attached to me as I am to him.  But boy, so I miss you. I don't want you to kiss other girls, I want your lips kissing mine. Unless we are kissing other girls together, then that's different.

I would still rather just be able to talk to you than press all that on you. But I do miss all the things, and it bothers me to think of you with some other girl on New Years.

It sucks being so into you. I mean, I adore you, but this is a total bummer. I hope you'll talk to me again. I really miss you!!!

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Happy New Year, Ram!

Since I shouldn't talk to you I'm gonna put it here. Thinking of you, hope your 2017 is AMAZING and that your house comes together nicely. I am wishful for your prosperity!

Selfisy, I also wish for an improved communication between us. I miss you- it'd be nice to talk again. I also miss the house. Also I just really miss you. 😓  I hope we cross paths, or you seek me out, and we become close again. Your links, perspective, and creativity are missed and 2017 will be less bright without you!  

But it'll still be pretty damn bright! 😏

Good luck, and much love.