Sunday, August 2, 2015

I haven't said anything about Maxx, nor about my feelings, nor about anything in a while.  I let myself get wrapped up in these relationships and the only thing ever hurting was myself.

I miss Maxx.  I guess.  It's hard to miss something that feels like it never really happened.  It's so easy to just let things disappear from my brain now that I never have to worry about it.  I don't feel like I connect with people.  This understanding stranger in my journal who strives all the time to see the good in people and love people -- I don't understand her.  How was I ever that way?

Was that a facade?  Am I just a judgmental person underneath?  Who am I, really?   My mom once asked me what happened to her sweet little girl.  I guess I genuinely don't know.  This is who I am now -- someone who doesn't understand or know who Jeff is, someone who listens to Brian but still feels detached and confused, someone who can only really talk to Kyle.

I can't believe K-Town knew about this journal all along.  That's a funny secret to keep, creep.