I don't know what to think, my head has been all over the place. I feel like I can sit here and tell myself, this is for the best. It's better now. It's better that this happens before we did anything and we had to work together and feel worse, because he'd... he'd hate me if he dated me. Pretty certain of it.
It's totally cool. I get it. It's an illusion at first that people can take me. I don't really mean to be awful, I genuinely thought I could have fun with him. I only thought about how we could have fun together, how I wanted to spend the night with TVK, and I understand why-- but since he doesn't, I'm just a big huge jerk.
So it's for the best. But I wish I could immediately stop caring like he did. I wish that I wasn't laying in bed and thinking about the sun and stupid his smile and stupid things.
I feel like such an idiot.
I couldn't have made it happen anyway. Not really. Everything would have been more ruined.
I wonder how long it will take me to stop posting these and feeling stuff.