Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Whats frustrating is that I still want to date you.  I have all these concerns, but they are concerns to me.  I want to find a way to put the past behind us and be with you.  I still feel like you're the right person for me.


I hate it because then I have to tell myself, "But he doesn't love you.  He doesn't want you."  That sucks.  It hurts pretty bad.

These concerns are real concerns, but somewhere I must not believe that the bad ones can actually apply to you.  I don't know if you really are that person, or if I'm in love with the person you want to be and present yourself to be and not the real you, or what.

But the Kyle I feel I know so well, who tells me his thoughts, who would never use a girl and would never do something to someone that he did recently to me.  That Kyle.  He was a champion.  He was wonderful.  I wish I knew what had happened to him and how to get him back.

I'm not a bad person.  I didn't do anything but love you-- the problems I had I sought help for.  Clearly I still have issues with them, but I seem to also be dealing with them overall better.  I feel all the same, but my handling of it has changed.  I don't know what I could have done, and if you knew I wish you would tell me.


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