Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Did you use me?

KBos I am very hurt, very confused.


I don't want to believe you would use me.  I really don't.  It kills me inside.  But I have no explanation for your actions, and in the end it is using.  Unless you have something, some feelings, some explanation, some desire to make this work (which is seeming, admittedly, rather unlikely right now), it feels like you only would do things to get things-- we would go on dates, you would agree, and you would do things with me because you know I'd put out and you know you want me.  Sexually.  Only sexually.  The biggest Jeff ever, but meaner, because you know how I feel.  You know I want to be your girlfriend, and then you threw it in my face and said I would do that to you.

Everything you've done, touching my breasts, taking off my shirt, kissing me, dating me, that all means something to me.  It means, there's a connection here, there are feelings, I want to see where this goes.   But you won't man up and let it go anywhere, you say you don't even know if you want it to, you get mad at me, and you keep Elyse around.

What is with Elyse?

I feel more than ever that I was just a placeholder.  A sex placeholder until you could possibly get your hands on her.  You were keeping her romance alive, keeping me a secret, and using me in the meantime.

And now that you've been mean, and hurtful, you won't message me, you won't apologize, you won't do anything.  You know I wasn't wrong to bring up Elyse.  You know I'm not wrong to say she makes me feel uncomfortable.  At this point I have every right to say that.

So what am I to you
do you not even care about me at all?

I hate it.   I hate thinking you would do that to me.  We were friends, we were lovers-- you LOVED me once, even if you don't know, how could you do that to a person you loved?   How could you do that to a person you know has suffered so much?

Are you that selfish?  Or naive?

I genuinely don't understand.  And it's killing me.  I just want you to know what I mean to you and it feels more and more like it's nothing.  And I don't think I did anything to deserve that.  I don't think I did anything to deserve this at all.

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