Friday, May 31, 2013

Oy oy all this push and pull.

It makes me anxious.

I really enjoyed our date.  I want it to be the first of many.  But I admit I get anxious you pull away as soon as we have one.  You seem keen to go see a show, go see movies, have more pokemon dates-- and I know you're feeling the E3 Crisis (it's hard for me to imagine, I wish you'd just lay out what one of your days is like for me to help me out).  But it also feels like you're going to just pull away again, push me out, and then I'm going to be on the other end of your freakout.  And then you'll go back, and pull me back in and go on another date, or kiss me again, and it's this repeating pattern.

I like kissing you, and I like going on dates.  Let's just... do that.  You made the decision, just stick to it, keep us both from hurting.  We can take it slow.  Your anxiety doesn't have to win.  Your anxiety wins because you keep -not choosing-.

A date is a big deal.  We did it.  That's a huge step forward in what's been our relationship.

I want to go on more.

I want to hold your hand again.

But the push and pull has made me so inevitably anxious, I can't do it forever.  Not to this extreme.

I'm excited about you.  I like you.  I know I'm getting ahead of myself with the anxiety, but it still feels like in between your "on" periods, when you're pulling away and being distant, I become less of a person to you.

Do you really not want me to talk to you until E3 is over?


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