Here's another truth:
When I drew that drawing for you of the leaf and the caterpillar. When I was drawing it, I thought, Kyle is the leaf. I did actually think that. Then I was too embarrassed to tell you, I was too afraid of letting that truth go. Then you said it was cute, and I wish I had told you all along.
You are my leaf. You make me feel protected. You make me feel safe. You make me feel stronger.
I don't want that to go away. Please don't take that away. I just want to be with you. I want you to know how you feel for me, and to hold me again. I keep thinking about us in sexy times, and it's terrible, and I start crying. Because I want it so much, I keep thinking, that can't be the last time, that's unacceptable.
ugh. i hate this. i hate myself.