I guess my last post is a way of saying that I know I need to make a big long post about my feelings but I can't seem to express them.
Everything usually reminds me of heartbreak. I want to be held, I want to be romanced, I want to find love, but I guess I don't want to commit to any of that. I'm still in love with Kyle. I was looking at pictures of Brian, because facebook just has them. It has all my boys, just lined up, like so many cans to shoot at. I never look at Brian and feel all that sad, but there is a sort of comforting way I guess he hugged me. He knew how to hold me that made me feel safe. But I guess I was never that safe.
I don't think Jeff did that. Jeff romanced me without having to try too hard. Kyle won my heart and my soul by being so much like myself and so much himself. I don't have anything to show from it, and I know less of what I want than ever.
I doubt that anything I do is a good idea. What's the point in having memories, anyway?