I'm gonna be posting a lot, I think. I'm okay with waiting. I know I am. The things that I feel unsure about aren't my feelings for you; they're strong. I'm ready. I want to be by your side and support you and have fun with you. This doesn't mean I don't' want my own life-- I do, very badly. And I will continue to have it. But I know you're the one who I want to share it with. Your depression doesn't balk me. I don't mind it. Your negativity is something I can shrug off. I often tell myself you're just being negative and get over it. Even now, with your consistent no and it'll never work, it never feels like that's the case so I continue on. I admit it's difficult -- I don't want to push you if YOU don't want it. And I don't mean in the way that you don't want to get hurt and are scared, but if you did not want me, truly, I think I'd not push as hard. But you do want me. At least, you seem to. And that's what I'm not sure about. I'm not sure if I am doing the right thing for you-- even if it's the right thing for me.
I will love you endlessly. I do. Speaking to you lifts me up. I would love to sit beside you, hold your hand, kiss you, make you cookies, watch your shows, come home to you. I want to do these things very badly. You are my best friend, first and foremost, and I never want to change that. And I don't think it will. Our bond has only grown stronger. You're dismissive because you're scared. And while I don't want you to be depressed, I won't let that be the balker. I know you want to be with me, truly in your heart, and I am here for it.
I don't feel like I can love anyone else. I just want to be with you. I don't feel punished. I am happy to do it.
You are truly an amazing person. I am so looking forward to attempting again. I think it's just a matter of time. And I'm fairly convinced this time it'll work.