Saturday, July 28, 2012

I didn't think I would feel this anxious about it, I know you haven't even landed in London yet.  I know you'll be safe-- dealing with this a week on my own will be hard, but I'm going to have to do it.

But thinking about you kissing on,
snuggling with
holding hands with
leaning your head against
inappropriately touching
falling in love
with her.
It's harder than I thought.  I kept telling myself, this is temporary.  He needs to feel this out on his own.
Now I am thinking about it and wondering-- why would you snuggle with me, you know the way I feel, you knew what it did to me.  I make it perfectly clear.  Why would you do that, then run off knowingly to her to do the same things?

Is that in your character?
I can't tell.

And if not, why wouldn't you just tell me.  I would have believed you if you had said that it wasn't the case at all.  By this point, I would have believed you.  But since you allude to it, since you said you're allowed to do those things, I assumed.  I hate assuming, but I don't have a lot to go on.

I understand why this is uncomfortable, but being honest with me doesn't have to be.

"She and I are feeling out an emotional and physical relationship, but I am not sure it'll go anywhere."

That's all it would have taken.
Or

"I've been letting you think this because I didn't think you would listen to me if I told you otherwise."

Give me a chance to.

I thought I could handle this, but I don't know if I can after all.
I may have to just stop talking to you.  I need you, I love you, but if you are in love with another woman... if I'm just your backburner.... I'm not sure I could handle that.
Is that why you told me not to count on it?  Because you were so close to having something else?

I wish you would just be clear, and precise.  I don't understand why you feel like you have to give me the run around.

It makes your character confusing and stains it.

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