I miss you.
I feel like everything has turned to ash. I miss you so acutely now that I'm here that it hurts. It hurts when we don't talk. It hurts when it feels like things have gone wrong. What happened?
I'm concerned it's me. Did I do something? Probably.
But I feel like perhaps I'm just too anxious. If I leave it, it'll be fine.
But I'm hurting so bad right now. Everything hurts, I'm terrified, and I feel so alone. I'm so alone, and I don't have anyone to turn to, and I was turning to you and you keep disappearing. I know I shouldn't lean on you, we both knew this would happen...
Yet, it still makes me so sad. I just want to say, give me a few more days, stick with me a few more days, please, until I can get somewhere where I'm not feeling quite so alone. But I don't have anyone.
I wish I could still love you. I want to be with you so badly. I want to stroke your hair when you're stressed. I want to lay in your arms. I want to cry on your shoulder when I am. Even though you were never good at that. I know my sadness is hard on you.
I'm scared that it's not, like I thought, because you care so much that it hurts to see me sad. I'm scared that you have been tolerating it out of caring somewhat about me, but then it gets too intense and you think, I don't need to be a part of this, and you abandon me.
I know it's not your battle.
I know it's my battle.
I just miss you so damn bad. I miss kissing you. I miss going home to you. I miss playing games with you. I miss holding your hand.
I wish I didn't.