Saturday, November 27, 2010

I'm glad that you emailed me to want to talk, though I can't help but feel like the reason is that you just don't want me to dislike you. I don't dislike you. There are things that you are doing now that I think would be resolved easier by conversation. I love you, and I want to be with you-- which is hard, since you don't. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be friends. I adore you, I want to be there for you, and I'll be your friend no matter what you do. I am nervous about you dating, I am nervous about things, yes those things will hurt me, but I want to be your friend regardless. There is no way that that is going to turn off, with or without you there. This way, at least, we can be there for each other.

I still plan to respect your space. I don't know if you will actually go through with talking. Or what you have been up to. Or the reasons for doing what you are doing. I know you are on your guard, and I expect full armor when you talk to me-- if you talk to me. But, it would be nice if you let it down and just let it all out so we could clear things up and get some resolution.

Does that mean I'll stop loving you? No. Chances are, no matter how far forward we go in time, no matter who we date, I will always be willing to reopen this door. You were a fantastic boyfriend, and you are a fantastic person. I have no reason to dislike you, to think that our relationship wouldn't work (especially feeling the way I feel now and the changes that have occurred in me).

Do I think you're the one for me? Yes. But I am exploring the way I feel just as you are.

Of course I wonder what you are doing, how you are doing, what you are feeling. I do that with just about everyone, I am curious about all the things they do. And of course I am still emotionally invested in you. However, I am strong enough to separate those things.

I don't truly expect you to give me a chance right now. You are too caught up, too hurt. But it would be nice.

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