Sunday, August 30, 2009

I feel fine when I go to sleep.
I wake up, panicking.

The fact I slipped and you still don't have it in you to contact me, it's been a week, it seems a bad sign. I should give you another week, and I will.. But I sleep, and I wake up, and the only thing I want....

I'm... I just don't understand why you wouldn't want this.

I mean, I can see the bad things-- the fight, sometimes the distrust, the confusion. We definitely had arguments, but even before this I felt like we were going through those well. So that leads me to... to you're just really angry, or you really wanted out and the only reason you're 'waiting' is to wait until I get tired of waiting. Unless you think you are coming to a conclusion....

But we have so many good things, and I think they're excellent things. They never stopped being fun. Making dinners, going to see movies, hanging out and watching Lost, Flight of the Conchords, playing Dr. Mario, snuggling, kissing, going on trips, drawing together, watching animations, talking, joking, playing music (rare as it was), whale fight (rare as it was), watching strongbad.

I know it's not entirely my fault, and I need to stop saying I'm sorry. But that doesn't stop me from aching for you. It's not like I look back and see the wrong things-- I don't know what you look back to see. I see the negative, I see the times I've cried or sat in the car and made you upset.

I wish you could come to karaoke with me, and we could sit next to one another and giggle over how people go, and clap and cheer, and interlace our fingers, and I can cheer you on while you sing and you can encourage me to go sing and we could sing together. I want that so bad....

I wish I knew how you were feeling.

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